There are two kinds of people in the world; those who bathe their food in sticky, syrupy, sweet, and savory sauces and those who do not. If you ask me the latter kind of person is probably as boring and dry as the food they eat. Like sex sauce makes everything better, more complex, nice and juicy. You know how sex can trick you into making you feel like the 24 year old loser actor with no money who is emotionally unavailable is “THE ONE”? A good sauce can work that magic to your Aunt’s dry turkey at Thanksgiving. Sauces elevate the level of your relationship with the food. People who don’t like sauces can’t handle the flavor explosion in their mouth and clearly prefer the mundane. Note to those in the dating pool (or swamp) be weary of those who avoid sauces at a dinner date (if those even exist anymore).
The reason is sauce is better than sex is because all the complexities that arrive are purely pleasurable. You don’t have to wonder why sauce isn’t calling you back or if you are with child after a one-night stand. You merely dip, slather, or coat and enjoy. Here are a few simple sauces that will have you coming back for more.
Peruvian Aji Sauce
(inspired by Pio Pio in NY-GO THERE!)
1 c mayo
1 c cilantro
¼ c lime juice
½ to 1 jalepeno depending on how spicy you like it
Just blend all the ingredients in the blender. Presto! Deliciousness that you will want to slather all over your body, I would however trying it with chicken or lamb first.
Sweet Chili Sauce
(that stuff you dip your eggrolls in)
1 c vinegar
½ c sugar
2 TB of red hot chili flakes or Asian chili paste
Just boil all ingredients until the vinegar reduces to half. The mixture will be thick and should drip slowly off a spoon. This sauce is great for shrimp, salmon, or spring rolls, and way cheaper than buying in a store.
(healthy alternative to heavy cream/mayo based sauces)
½ c lemon juice
½ c olive oil
¼ c of assorted finely chopped herbs (basil, tarragon, parsley, anise,etc)
Mix olive oil slowly into the lemon juice for a slight emulsion effect. Gently stir in the herbs and add salt and pepper to taste. This tart sauce is a little thinner than the others but works wonderfully as a dip for crudité, on chicken, fish, or nicely salted beef.
Even if you are not convinced that sauce is better than sex I hope you will at least try one of these out. They are so easy! A well made and paired sauce can give you the same orgasmic feeling as that man or woman that you would actually prefer to have not woke up next to. Go get saucey!