Help. I’m Just a Chef.

IMG_8314If you haven’t guessed by my lack of positing I am going through yet another quarter life crisis at the lovey age of 27. So taking a break from food (sort of) please allow me to think through some things out about my life as a chef. According to my uncle this should be my prime and in a lot of ways it is. I am self-sufficient, have a roof over my head with a bed that is my own, I make money doing what I love (cooking), an amazing social network of hardworking and fun loving people, and I need for nothing.  image1Literally some days while walking to work I am thinking all I have to do is just cook these people chicken. It’s really an awesome thought. I am the closest thing to a free loving hippy who lives in the city but I actually have money to do what I want. Granted I still live with three people and my wants do not include flying on private jets or buying expensive handbags. Yet people still find my life to be inspirational. My biggest accomplishment to date is gaining the respect and admiration of others through my work ethic and determination. It is crazy but amazing to think of my wild  free flowing life as motivating to others. At the same time there is gravity to this achievement because I feel a weight of being an illumination to others. I always want more and I don’t want to let anyone down.

First Day of Culinary School!
My face after 4 months at a restaurant

For those interested in the culinary profession know it is an extremely draining and difficult position. Despite what I mentioned earlier about all I have to do is cook chicken there is so much more involved in it and it took me a long time to get here. First off culinary school took a great leap of faith and all my pennies. I took it very seriously and was annoyed with all the kids and old people in there with money to do it as a hobby. After you’ve spent 24,000 dollars for a diploma you’re not even guaranteed a job. So you set out into the world and realize working in a restaurant kitchen making 8.00 and hour is just not ok. There is something to be said and great amount of respect to be given to a restaurant chef. You work long hours, holidays, doing the same tasks over and over at a very high speed of efficiency. You leave smelly, gross, and in my case defeated. I began to hate food, something I had loved my whole life. I felt like working in a restaurant food loses the creative soul satisfying aspect about it. The magic behind the creator and audience is lost.

The line at the restaurant.


One of my first private clients

Fortunately for me working in private homes is a little less stressful, better hours, and I don’t leave smelling like restaurant floor. A stroke of luck gave me my first opportunity with one of Hollywood’s most famous families but my drive has got me to where I am now. Working privately is not all roses; often times I end up doing way more than my job description and it’s hard to find a balance between the personal relationship you must build with clients but remembering I am a business. It’s also creatively draining because I want to give my clients new and exciting things within their (sometimes extensive) limitations. Cooking for several consecutive days takes a lot of me mentally and physically and leaves me just wanting someone to just feed me. Cooking privately is definitely feels a lot less like work then restaurant life but part of me wonders how sustainable it really is. Right now it’s great to up and leave with any family wherever they go but one day if I have a family of my own will I be so eager. It’s incredible lonely to be away from my friends and family while they are enjoying their weekends. My life is essentially not my own, especially if I ever work full time for someone again.

Crabcakes with Tomato and Mango Salad
Greek Salad w. Yogurt Chicken and Kale and Feta Quesadilla

So despite all I have accomplished it is time for me to stop resting on my laurels and figure out what’s next. Funny thing is after working for five years professionally I know still have so much to learn and barely feel like a real chef.  I love cooking too much to let it become money driven business or to let the work overload stress me out . All my friends have wonderful suggestions; start a restaurant, meal delivery service, write a cook book, start a YouTube series the list goes on and on but I don’t really ever want to have to focus on other things besides creating and making people happy. The thing is if I really wanted those things I would have them or at least be working at them in this moment. I’m good at this I don’t want to taint it by making it a business but I do need to survive and thrive. The good news is I am growing and my food presentation and flavor has most definitely improved. 

I’m a strong believer in things happening as they should. So as much as I feel pressure of expectation and potential crashing down on me at the moment I know the tide will pull me back right where I need to be.


Thanks for reading and believing. Follow my journey @chefleen on insta.


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my life has been a very interesting journey thus far. in my quarter century crisis im and not certain of much except that i love cooking and entertaining, and pleasing people is my passion. (wait that sounded a little funny) i am goofy eccentric, and love to laugh, in fact i often laugh at the most inappropriate times. i place high value in honesty and working hard. i don’t really believe in faking it until you make it, without some base knowledge or some sort of depth to your cause. i believe in making mistakes and trying everything once as long as you bring yourself no harm and no harm to others. i am a new age hippy, my words to live by are freedom, serenity, and love. i look for signs of the world and listen. i do judge, anyone who says they do not is a liar, but i use my judgements against you to reflect back on me to see how i can better myself. i hate constraints of our society, including grammar, punctuation, and recipes. i think fast except when it comes to numbers. the culinary world has always been and shall be my safe haven and outlet. i want to inspire, teach, and learn.

3 thoughts on “Help. I’m Just a Chef.

  1. Hang in there, Chef ! Go eat some beets ! Sounds like you need some nature and open space. We’ll see you soon on Mt Rainer !

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